We’ve all been to a point in time where we start questioning if a particular situation is serving us. Be it in a soul-sucking job, a toxic relationship with anyone in our life or simply in a case where we are not in alignment of who we are.
Self- love is something that removes us from those kinds of conditions. And it is the force that makes us consider that ourselves and our welfare is much more important than holding on to something or someone damaging us.
Self- love goes hand in hand with self-respect because no one will ever respect you if you cannot respect yourself.
Have you loved yourself enough? If not, I won’t be here to judge you or blame you. Because at some point, it may not be your first-hand choice. It can be rooted in something deep within you. And the reason why I’ve written this post is that I want to bring awareness to anyone reading this that self-love is beautiful and attainable even if it is a continuous process.
As I mentioned, there are possible reasons why a person stops loving his/herself, and this could be because of the following:
Comparing ourselves to someone else
We cannot deny the help of social media to us. It is a powerful tool to grow a business, to reach out to your families and friends and other useful functions. However, there is also a downside to it. Little by little, the standards set by social media regarding the picture of a perfect life, relationship or body structure is hurting us. Although it depends on how each person processes it, there will be a bit of ourselves trying to compare other’s perfect social media life with what we have.
I notice and I can say this because I have been reading the comment section before and I can see that despite the positive outlooks of others, there will be persons who are so eager to tear others down. I remember reading someone’s comment, and her tone is a bit jealous when she is commenting about how big the little girl’s bedroom is, compared to her house.
If you are on that self-sabotaging mindset of comparing yourself to others thru social media, please hear me out. You may be using too much of it, and you need to stop gluing your hands to your phone. Have a social media detox and focus on other productive and fun ways to invest your time.
Remember that seeing and interpreting things on social media about others is not always how it seems. I remember chatting to a friend, and she told me that all her happy posts are not real and that she is indeed suffering and depressed.
Being down or let down by important people in our life
Other people throwing shade on you is not surprising because you can choose not to pay any attention to them, knowing that they are not a part of your life. But the story will be different when the one throwing shade at you are the important persons in your life.
The dangerous thing about this is that; it has more severe damage when letting down is done by a friend, family or special someone. We are then thought to believe that something is wrong with us for real because they claim that they know us better than other people.
I have this one person in my life that have a habit of letting me down and destructively criticizing me, my work, and my introversion. It hurt me so much because of disappointment. After all, I expected that this person would be the one to protect and help me.
It took me so much time to process everything and to let go of my expectations and relationship with this person.
At some point, we believe them. If the important persons in our life say we are not good enough, we will reach nothing, and we are a terrible person, then it is about time to stop listening to them. To protect myself, I resorted to avoid this person and stop believing in what this person has to say about me.
Remember that you know yourself more. But if you are having a hard time denying all the negative comments about you, you can write about it one by one and finding a reason/proof that what they say about you is not true. If what they say about you is accurate, however, you can prove to them but most importantly to yourself that you can be a better person.
It is okay, and we are not perfect. But we shouldn’t let ourselves down because of other’s comments even if they are an essential part of our lives.
Believing that we are not enough
Believing that we are not enough is related to the two reasons I described above. Comparing ourselves to someone else brought out the awareness of what we lack within ourselves. Entertaining harmful and destructive comments about ourselves from other people will do the same damages.
But I think the complete indication of someone not believing in their sufficiency is how they are tolerating people and circumstances in their life. Tolerating an uncontrollable situation is understandable, but tolerance to conditions that is emotionally and physically hurting you in which you have control is a different thing.
You will stop loving yourself as long as there is validation that continuously make you believe that you are not enough. You are afraid to walk away from a toxic relationship because you think no one will love you. You are scared to try that career or process your job application because you believe that you don’t have enough talents, skills or capabilities.
I’m not here to convince you to do things irrationally, but I will remind you that you have a choice to what is happening and what you are allowing in your life.
If people or situation are giving you validation that you are not enough, maybe it is about time to reconsider your position and do something about it. Because you can always have a new and healthy relationship or a better job, but you cannot find another you. Don’t lose yourself trying to hold to things and people that are weighing you down.
We are stagnant
Sometimes, we let it all go. We stop fighting to improve ourselves or our lives in general. We are afraid to step out of our comfort zones, then again questioning our self-importance and sufficiency.
If only we will dedicate time and effort in doing something productive, helpful and healthy for ourselves, we will find that there are lots of things and activities that will help us feel good. Without the willingness to move our lives in the direction of our desires and dreams, our satisfactions about life will always be dependent on external validation.
Because we are stagnant, we have this belief that we will always be the same, hence, our incomplete self. But that is not true; we still have the will and choice to do something good for ourselves. See what’s hindering us and work on them-be it self-limiting beliefs or lack of discipline.
We are dependent on other people for our happiness
Happiness is an inside job. You’ve heard it many times. But do you believe it?
If yes, then do not disappoint yourself. Because if your happiness is dependent on other people and if you have this thinking that “if they love me, I love me too?”, please stop.
Please stop because you cannot control other people and even if you hope so much to lessen your expectations of them, there will be a point where they will disappoint you. Your love should be from yourself and for your ability to provide for yourself.
However, I do not suggest that you stay alone. The truth is, we still need others to our life to contribute to happiness but not to be the sole reason for our happiness or self-worth.
There is a reason why it is called self-love in the first place.
Have you identified yourself from any of this list? Or you have your reasons why sometimes you forget loving yourself?
Having self-love will give us power over ourselves, our lives and our feelings. And I think having freedom from other people or thing’s grip is the most important gift we can give ourselves. People and circumstances are temporary, but we are with ourselves ever since the beginning, that is why we should talk and treat ourselves with love.
Note that this post is not about self-centeredness or self-absorption but purely self-love and self-respect.
I love you, and you are always enough,