The sting of a broken heart, the continuous cycle of what-ifs and what could be, sleepless nights and fearful mind. Walking away from someone or something that you bonded and invested your time with is indeed a hard decision, no matter how valid and reasonable the reasons for parting ways are. But somehow, we should be brave to do the right things. Your heartbreaking or breaking someone’s heart is not a desirable feeling. A familiar feeling that we want to take off our minds as soon as possible.
As a person going through the same undesirable feeling as of the time I’m writing this, I have compiled 9 healthy ways to heal a broken heart because I will admit it, it is not my first heartbreak and if it is your first, I will tell you to be brave and smile because you will get through this:
Forgive yourself, the circumstances and them
You know for sure that the relationship failed for one or more definite reasons. Individuals have deal-breaker in a relationship, and for me, it is the failure to be loyal or honest, considering first the fact that you communicated that you want a monogamous or committed relationship.
It is easy to assign blame, especially if you know what they did is against you. But I understood and you must to, that what they have done has nothing to do with you as a person- because at some point when your partner cheated on you or do something awful, it has a reason, or it might be something they have been unable to solve in their personality or character. Besides, a person who claims to love you will ensure from the very beginning that they will do nothing to hurt you or betray your trust.
Forgive them- even if they have disappointed you, and also if they made you hoped for nothing. Forgive them even if they are not sorry. Forgive them for yourself. Forgive the circumstances that prevented you from being together- they or you have a reason for accepting or allowing those circumstances to pull you both away from each other.
And lastly, the most important person you have to forgive is YOURSELF. You made a terrible choice; mistake, and you blame yourself for being stupid to fall for them. You are not stupid- heartbreaks happen even to kind and intelligent persons.
Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”
I will ask you to go back on your memory lane and think of the reasons why this once beautiful relationship didn’t stand the test of time. Unmet needs, betrayal, continuous arguments with no further resolutions, abuse, and all the other long list. I don’t know what “understanding” JK Rowling referred to in that statement. For others, the word UNDERSTANDING might mean as understanding what made the relationship failed, but I will give you some other types of meaning I can think of and related to our situations now. Understand that it happened for the better.
Yes! You broke up for better- because we are better than the reasons we’ve found on our hurtful memory lane with them. When we finally understood that it happened for the good of yourself, it will be easier to accept it. Acceptance releases all the negative emotions attached from the heartbreak, and you will finally feel free, you took back the control and power you once lost when your heart is breaking because of them.
Make the final decision to move on
Have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? Because I did, and it is a vicious nightmarish cycle. I laughed a bit from astonishment why I had this kind of relationship lately, but I’m grateful it has ended. People who are with me on this cycle of on-and-off relationships will find ourselves hoping that at some point, this break up is once again-temporary.
But I’m writing it and your reading this which means that we both decided to pack our bags and leave this cycle forever. It is tough to do if you bounced back to the same persons for so many times, but everything could be prevented and ended once we made and act on this final, irrevocable decision to move on. It is futile to push pieces that do not fit- don’t rush or stay long deciding because in the end- you might lose even yourself.
Take care, and love yourself more
I don’t know where I have read it, but it says something like “you need your love more than them,” and I can certainly agree with it. Do not lose yourself or identity to be in a specific relationship because your soul will always recognize and rebel against all of you. Do something for yourself, learn a language, read a good book, eat, and live healthily. Do things you cannot do when you are together- go back to the hobbies and passions you somehow forgot because of them. Don’t let those negative emotions made you believe that you are not worthy of being loved.
Don’t hide from the hurt
We are made to believe that we should not feel the hurt of our heartbreak to consider ourselves strong. No, no matter how bad they are to us, there are still beautiful memories, and those beautiful memories are the ones that hurt the most. We should not deny ourselves to feel the hurt- we need to explore all of it to heal. It is okay to cry and be alone for a while. But set it on a reasonable length of time. Just like my other advice, acceptance is the key. Journaling and writing is a very effective way to reorganize your thoughts, and you will be surprised that you can even advise yourself through your writing.
Know that you deserve the best
Remember when I told you before that we should understand that it happened for a reason? If you know what went wrong and you feel and believe that it is not what you deserve, then you are halfway to healing your broken heart. Letting go of them is the only way to see the best relationship waiting for us. I know it is uncomfortable now, and we have sets of limiting beliefs- we might be afraid of the possibility of not finding new love again but also have to question if those limiting beliefs are based only on fears or facts. Believe that things happen for a good reason, and you are good to go.
Do not shut out your family and friends
It is important to be alone with yourself and feel the hurt for a while, but if you have family and friends that are lending you their helping hands, don’t shut them out. Whatever pain you are carrying in your heart now may not be entirely wiped by opening up to your people, but it will surely lessen the weight of the pain you are taking on your own.
Give it to the universe or GOD
Let it be in the higher power above us- pray, meditate, or whatever you can to reach the universe or GOD. Give Them all the hurt you are feeling inside. I realize that when I’m praying about these things little by little, my heart is healing. In your prayer, thank Them for whatever is happening in your life because it is for a good reason. For me, the right idea is that- I finally know what I want for a partner and relationship. What could be your reason/s?
Know that it will get better
It won’t happen overnight, but I guarantee you that you will wake up one day when you can say, “I don’t love him/her anymore” and “I’m ready to love again.” Love is always beautiful; it might hurt sometimes, but still love is a lovely feeling.
The next time you opened your heart will be more beautiful because of the lessons you learned from your past relationships. Your heartbreaks now will allow you to assess what you want for a partner and a relationship. This time will have to be your time to learn and improve yourself, to love yourself, and believe that happiness is really in yourself and not in a relationship.
Healthy ways to cope with heartbreak is a more fitting way to treat yourself. There is no use to speak poorly of them or their actions, even if they have done something terrible. You finally get to realize that you deserve the best, and you can have it because you finally let go of the people and circumstances that are not working for you. It is the time to see the beauty of new beginnings, the time to see the hope despite the pain you are carrying in your heart, the time for forgiveness, and the time to be yourself again-but this time, your more beautiful self.
Don’t give up on love. Love will find you back when you are ready.
Sending you my love,