Even if self-love seems to be the most automatic emotion a person should have, other people, seem to struggle with it. They are the people who tolerate shits over and over again. They are the people who are afraid to communicate what they want, and they are scared to show other people that they are important too.
There are possible reasons why you might stop prioritizing self-love, and I won’t blame you as I’ve been in your shoes too. But growing up, I had this knowing that I’m not doing the right thing and my self is suffering. Loving yourself is a continuous process, and we should be patient and committed to it. It is not too late because I know you want to be happy and it starts the journey. How can you genuinely love yourself? Start with these actionable tips:
Read also: Why We Stop Loving Ourselves
Believe that you are enough
If you have self-love, you will look at the mirror and admire the person you see-yourself. You don’t need a title, a person, or an event to make you feel worthy because you believe that you are enough. You viewed your career, job, and partner as an addition to yourself, and you think that they are not here to complete you but to improve you.
Painful experiences, heartbreaks, and traumas may have shaped your mind into believing that you are not enough. Those bad memories tricked you into believing that it happened because you are not worth it of anything good. You need to break those bad memories by doing something different and by replacing them with happy memories.
We may not be given a chance to choose the circumstances of our birth or where we will be when we are born, but we can do something about our journey. Let go of things that are making you believe that you are not good enough and see how your life change.
Stop listening to people who don’t love you sincerely
We need to shield ourselves from energy vampires, no matter who they are. Other people will always have a lot of things to say about you and your choices in life, and we must be selective, of which words we will entertain. It will be an extra task if the people calling out on you are the important people in your life, they may deliver the words harshly, but deep inside they sincerely love us.
How can you know if they sincerely love you? You will feel it. If you think that behind those hash truths and words lies a concern or love, then it is time to look at them and their words at the position of love. Another tip, if they are just concern- it will always feel peaceful, and you won’t feel betrayed despite their way of delivering their words.
Don’t put other people on the pedestal
Your needs and well-being matter too. If you want to say no, then say it- not only will it validates your self-love, but it also teaches them to respect you and your time. I know you understand this, but there are underlying reasons why you find it hard to prioritize yourself. It may be because you feel that putting yourself first is selfish, or they might leave you if you do not put them above all else.
You, putting other people above yourself all the time will not make you happy. Now, self-love is not about being selfish or narcissistic. Instead, it is a type of pure love that everyone deserves because, after all, how can you pour from an empty cup? If you don’t have self- love, how can you give love back?
How can you stop putting other people on the pedestal? You can do this:
- When making a decision, always ask yourself: will this make me happy or at ease?
- Don’t say yes when you want to say no! or have healthy boundaries
- Stop giving your all to people who are not sincere and don’t have good motives for you
- Recognize that your needs are important too
I’m not driving you to be selfish and to be a person who honors his/her personal gains all the time. Instead, I’m encouraging you to understand that as other people have needs, your needs are valid and must be met too.
Read Also: How Journaling Improved My Life
Unconditional ground for self-acceptance and self-love
If you love yourself, you will not put conditions on why you do. You will not say if I got that job, amount of money, or lover, then I will accept and love myself. Self-love bound by conditions is meant to fall apart anytime, and it will create additional stress for you. Conditional love, for yourself or another person, is not the ideal love as it is weak, and once the conditions are not met, you will see it crashing down.
Be your own best friend. You still love your best friend even if they sometimes fail, right? Do it for yourself too. We commit mistakes and stupidity all the time, but we should not be harsh on ourselves about it. The best way to deal with it is by accepting who we are-the whole package of ourselves.
Always talk to yourself on the position of unconditional love and concern, like how you will speak to your dear friend.
Love yourself by improving your intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual needs
Loving yourself is the best motivation to push you to be the best person, and you will have this urge to impress yourself if you believe that you are enough. One must improve themselves for themselves and not for other people because after all, you will always think that you are worth it.
Nurturing your mind, body, emotion, and faith is all necessary process to strengthen your self-love. Because you, taking care of your well-being will validate how much you give importance to yourself. Now, this is a vast topic to discuss and must be in a different blog post; but I believe that you know what it means exactly.
Don’t let yourself suffer
Not letting yourself suffer is, without a doubt is a crucial one because, like how we love another person, we want them always to be happy. We owe it to ourselves to be happy and to not let ourselves suffer in any situation. Sometimes, lack of self-confidence always puts us in the spot where our decisions and actions are made base on fear instead of love. Don’t disappoint yourself by being in a situation or people that harm your self-worth. You will be much happier alone than with circumstances and people who only fill your heart with fear, doubt, and loneliness.
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A final note on loving yourself
It is all about the mindset; if you think that it is wrong to love yourself and to prioritize your needs, then you won’t be able to do the things I’ve discussed above. Don’t let others brainwash you into believing that putting yourself first is terrible, and remember that you are not here to impress them.
True, you are here to associate and be a good human being- but realize that you have a responsibility for yourself too. You will know and feel who are the ones that will respect you and love you sincerely, and they deserve your love ultimately. But for now, you need to impress yourself first.
Love yourself and be a light!