Why am I so unhappy?
How often do you find yourself asking this painful question? But what really makes a person happy or unhappy? The answers will be deeply rooted in each person’s wishes and hopes of what his or her life should be.
Material things can make other people happy, but it shouldn’t be the case for other people. The actual definition of happiness or unhappiness in life should be based on a person’s values. For me, contentment is the determining factor in which I could say I’m living a happy life.
Are you always unhappy? Let’s do some self-reflection and realize the reasons why we find ourselves dissatisfied with life. Please do something about it before it can sabotage the important parts of your life.
#1 Without a purpose, we’ll feel incomplete and unhappy with life
Do you have something you look forward to every morning when you wake up? Or do you go with the flow of life because you believe that it is how it’s supposed to be? Do you have enough reasons and inspiration to live a life with intention or purpose?
A few years ago, I also felt lost and unhappy with life. And that’s because I blindly let other people design and control my life. The thing is, no matter how much they care for us, we are the only ones to decide the circumstances that will give us happiness and contentment.
Finding my true purpose in life is the best thing that improved my life. Knowing and pursuing my goal make my unhappiness go away. I also noticed that looking forward to something meaningful improved the quality of my life.
I urge you to have a purpose and, if not, have a goal that you can look forward to every day.
#2 Comparing yourself to someone else is a sure way to be unhappy
Yes, unhappiness in life can be because you have a habit of comparing yourself to someone else. When we meet a person who has all the things or achievements that we want, it is easy to feel jealous and unhappy.
You can combat this by having a mindset that everyone is walking in a different path of their lives and that you don’t need to live your life based on how they live theirs. Have a mindset where you are happy about other people because they prove that what you want if achievable.
Success and wealth will not run out if you practice the correct mindset.
#3 Your unhappiness might be because you have unrealistic expectation to other people
Putting too much expectation toward other people is unreasonable and unfair. If you’re expecting too much toward others, it could be a clear indication that you are giving away your personal power.
You can stop putting unrealistic expectations to others by realizing that you only control your actions and feelings. And you have no right to always insist what you want from others—risking your happiness by how others should or shouldn’t act towards you is not worth it.
#4 Living against your values will make you feel dissatisfied with life
A person’s values serve as a guide on how a person will live his/her life. Our values tell us how to act, and it also tells us if a thing is right or wrong. Not being able to live in our values can make us feel unhappy. We may tolerate it for the time being, but it will undoubtedly take a toll on your emotions and life.
Suppose you value creativity yet are discouraged by someone or something to practice or live with it. In that case, it will most likely make you feel unhappy.
#5 Unhappiness with life is a result when you don’t live in the present
At some point, we find ourselves unsatisfied with how we are doing presently. We find ourselves obsessing about the past or the future. No matter what it is, appreciating the present seems to be a challenging task for us.
This should not be the case because our inability to live and appreciate the present is missing us an opportunity to appreciate our lives.
#6 You are unhappy because you always look for negative in every situation
I’m in no way encouraging toxic positivity in this tip. I believe that thinking of the negative situation as it is makes us more prepared for worst-case scenarios. I often prepare a stress test analysis in Bank, and it is a good practice to give us a red flag on some essential areas.
However, it is equally devastating if you find yourself constantly obsessing and magnifying the negative situations in your life. Like my stress-testing, you may need to set up a triggering point when you should react to a negative situation.
One more thing to do is to practice gratitude. Think of the things, events, or reasons why you are thankful for your day or your life, in general.
#7 You keep absorbing other people’s unhappiness
It is effortless to stay unhappy when bitter and unhappy people surround you. You may be living with them, or they might be within your circle. What you can do now is be guarded by your positivity. Suppose you cannot completely stay away from them for some reason. I suggest that you also surround yourself with happy and positive people every once in a while.
Please do not join them in their misery. If they are complaining about life or anything, don’t simply agree to their complaints without presenting an alternative better option. It can be draining to be with unhappy people, but we got to understand them.
And when all else fails, I opt to limit my interaction with them. I go back to my inner peace and refuse to absorb their unhappiness.
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#8 Inability to forgive can make you unhappy
Not being able to forgive is not an easy feeling. At some point, we also have a reasonable explanation why we cannot forgive someone or some circumstances. But we need to remember that forgiveness is for our own good. Forgiveness gives us peacefulness.
No matter how awful that person is toward you, his/her actions are a thing of the past. And what you can control now is your behavior and reactions to the situation. Like in other tips I discussed above, your inability to forgive signifies that you are letting other persons or situations hold and control your life.
You are giving away your power if you continue to hold on to grudges and refuse to let go.
#9 You are trying to control all things or situations
Your belief that you can control all things and situations is wrong. It is probably causing you to feel very unhappy. And this is something to learn, that we are only able to control ourselves and our truths. That’s why we need to make intelligent decisions in our life. However, what fun will it be to live if we know what tomorrow will bring?
I think we should appreciate that our life can be full of surprise. Some argued that we should not chase happiness; they could be right or wrong.
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But for me, it is not bad if a person does their best to be happy. If everyone is contented and happy, our lives and everything around us will improve for the better too.
How about you? What’s the main cause of your unhappiness?